Wacky Weddings

Episode XVIII: THE WACKY WEDDING!

Recently, on Woof Proof:

“So, uh, what's the secret?” says Ocbar.

Bailey and Coco turn around and say together: “WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!”

Ocbar faints.

Now, we will return to our own episode.

Bailey yawns and wakes up, sunlight in her face. Then she wakes up everybody else and reminds them that today they've got to get ready for the wedding. It's next week.

“What?” says Jaxxon. “It ain’t even time for the Space Carrots to eat breakfast yet, let alone time fer hard-shootin' Rocket Rabbit types to be hauling their cottontails out of bed! Wake me up in—“

Coco interrupts by glaring at Jaxxon. Jaxxon hops up and down and then grabs a mop. “On the other hand, moppin's almost as fun as sleepin', especially if you ain’t got no breakfast! Can I have some breakfast please? Like a nice, juicy steak?”

Bailey says, “What on earth gave you the idea we were going to be mopping? And what gave you the idea we were going to be skipping breakfast? I have already moved the secret buffet out to the breakfast room!”

“Holy Hutch!” says Jaxxon. “Actually, I don't love you, mop!” And he runs off.

Meanwhile, the long-forgotten Kingcat and his sidekick and best friend Buddy are still stuck in the Pit of Everyone Loves Speak the Hungarian Rapper where you just sit there and constantly Speak the Hungarian Rapper songs play. Nothing else happens. They have been here for two years.
Buddy says, “Well, do you want more Goulash, Kingcat? Today, it's shaped like Tokash Tomas from 'Stop the War'! Man, I LOVE goulash.”

Kingcat is grumbling, “Well, Ocbar didn't deserve to be up there HAVING FUN! He should be down here and we should be up there defeating Bailey! And I don't even like Goulash!”

“Really? It's yummy!” says Buddy. “I just love Goulash! And I especially love it when—uh-oh, the song's coming on again...”

“SOOOOOME TIMES, PEOPLE MAKE A WAR, DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR, SAY YOUUUUUU STOOOOP THE WAAAARR!” says the song.

Kingcat grumbles, “Well, maybe Bailey left Ocbar behind in the forest! At least I hope so...”

And it cuts to Bailey and Ocbar playing Candyland together.

“I've got all the gumdrops! Or...uh...I mean lollipops! Or...uh...all the battleaxes! Or...uh...how do you play this game again?” says Ocbar.

Bailey looks bored, and then stops looking bored, and looks at Ocbar and says, “Ocbar, how did Kingcat treat you when you were on their side?”

“Well,” said Ocbar. “Let me put it like this. Do you know how Jaxxon treats Space Carrots?”

“Yes.” says Bailey. “He hates them!”

“Yes!” says Ocbar. “You've got it! Although the cat food we ate wasn't very bad at all!”

Then Bailey says, “Did you think it was awesome or not when Kingcat allowed you to join my team?”

“Well,” says Ocbar. “You smelled kind of like good food, so I was hopeful. It worked out in the end.”

Then Bailey smiles and nods at Ocbar and then takes out a megaphone that says on it, “World's Largest Megaphone” and yells into it, “TIME TO GET READY FOR THE WEDDING!”
Ocbar says, “Ow. My ears.” Then he jumps up into the place where there's a hole in the ceiling, and starts fixing it. “Hmmm...” he says.

Bailey then looks at Ocbar and points to a Church next door: “I meant, like, get ourselves ready for the wedding and arrange everything? Not, like, fix the Woof Proof place! Okay, uh, now, let's see, here, Ocbar and Jaxxon: you will go with Coco to check out some tuxedos. Meanwhile, you,” and she points to Groovy/Scary Wolf and Kitty and Rainbows, “Come with me. Oh, Matchel and Satchel too. We're going to pick out a wedding dress.” Matchel says, “If it comes with a mustache, get it!” Everyone looks at him. Matchel says, “Well, mustaches are very pretty! Like mine! And very manly! Oh...right.” Bailey stares at him for a while and then looks at Strong Bad and yells, “STRONG BAD! You try not to punch anyone! Homestar Runner! You and the rest of the gang! You stay here. So Strong Bad disobeys my orders then we won't have a knocked-out bride or groom.” Strong Bad flexes and says, “You got that right!” Bailey says, “Actually, Matchel; you go with Coco.” “Hooray, Manly labor! How lovely!” says Matchel.
Then it cuts to Coco, Ocbar, Jaxxon, and Matchel trying to pick out a tuxedo. “Man!” says Jaxxon. “This pickin'-out-tuxedos is harder than a diamond space carrot made of diamonds inside a Space Warren in Septober! But I think I like this Green-and-purple polkadot one! It reminds me of what my daddy used to wear, except with fewer polka-dots!” Coco says, “Did I mention you have to pick out tuxedos for yourself, too?” Jaxxon says, “I'll take it, then! It matches my fur better than an evil space carrot getting smacked in the head by me, or my name aint Jaxxon Rocket Rabbit Jones!”

Coco says, “Again with the 'my name aint'! You're gonna have to stop doing that! You've lost your name a few times, now!”

Matchel says, “Can I get a tuxedo for my mustache, too? This one fits perfectly!” And he shows his mustache wearing a tuxedo. Coco says, “I thought your mustache was a girl...” “Oh!” says Matchel. “Sorry, Mustache! I'll buy you a nice dress, and name you Grand Dame Elizabeth Mustachio!”

Ocbar is looking at a giant pair of furry green robes that come with a giant gold crown. “Hmmm...he says. “This matches my fur perfectly! And the crown matches my unibrow!”

Meanwhile, Coco decides on a black one, with little slashes of yellow and brown here and there. And then he takes out a really old-looking scroll and says, “Ocbar, apparently you're the ringmaster. Oh, and Rainbows and Bailey's Uncle are the flower dogs.”

Meanwhile, Kingcat and Buddy are still in the pit. Buddy is still eating goulash and burping a lot. Then, Kingcat says is, “What we NEED is a way to get out!” And a book and a robe come down. The book says, “How to Study and Escape the Pit of 'Everybody Loves Speak the Hungarian Rapper'” and the rope is a rope. They were dropped by somebody by accident.

Kingcat says, “Hooray! Toodles! Happy sounds and meowing! And a crowd of dogs including Bailey running away in fear! Oh, I can't wait to see the look on Bailey's face! Their group is sooo smaaalll!” But he does not know that Bailey's team has been multiplying ever since they dropped into the pit.

Buddy says, “Well, I'll miss the goulash, but I won't miss you, Speak! Sorry, but thanks for the Goulash!” And he picks up a bowl of goulash to take with him.

“LAST NIGHT...I SAW AN ANGEL! THA'S RIGHT!” says Speak. “BYE BYE!”

Kingcat says, “Happy toodles! Angels banging Bailey on the head with bells! Cats ruling the world! More happy toodles! Dancing on my little fuzzy toes! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE STARTS SINGING AGAIN!” But they can't decide which way to take, and then they see some familiar feet walking next to the pit. “BAILEY AND COCO!” shouts Kingcat. Then he's quiet and overhears them talking about getting married. He says, “Well, well, a nice marriage between a dog and a dog! We'll just take them down while they're distracted! And THEN we'll have those happy toodles!”

Kingcat, being Kingcat, suggests they climb up the rope so they can knock Bailey and Coco out before they know what's happening, and so they can get there quickly. “UP THE ROPE!” says Kingcat. “BUT I'LL HAVE TO DROP MY GOULASH!” says Buddy. He puts it down sadly and they start climbing. Unfortunately, the rope is attached to a Giant Monster of Keeping Cats from Climbing Up Ropes, and that doesn't work out very well at all for them. But then, just about when they think they're goners, Kingcat grabs a giant club and bangs the keeper over the head. Then they rush off and go to Bailey with a humongous club.

Coco says, “Wait! You got me a present? Wait...why is your present two angry cats covered in goulash running at us screaming with a humongous club? I'm not sure that I...um...but of course, it's lovely! Thank you so much!” And he gives Bailey a hug.

Kingcat whispers, “Awwww...are the two liddle puppy doggies hugging? Well, I'll soon put an end to that!” and bashes the humongous club on where he saw them hugging.

Unfortunately, Bailey did not get Kingcat for Coco as a present. And so they weren't there when he bashed them. Instead, when he turns up his club, he sees Ocbar. “Hi!” says Ocbar. “You smell like goulash! I can't stand goulash! Wait...is...is that you, Uncle Jones? Man, it's been a long time since I saw you! How's Aunt Bertha Jones?” Kingcat says, “No, you...you...you little...mouse! It's Kingcat and Buddy.” Then through bared teeth he says, “Reemeeember us?”

“Oh!” says Ocbar. “Have you come to join Woof Proof too? We have a great Secret Buffet, you know!”

Buddy wipes the goulash off of his face. “Does it have goulash?” Kingcat bites his ear. “Ow! I mean, never, you fiend!”

Then Ocbar yells, “Jaaaaxxxon!” Jaxxon arrives in a spaceship, and jumps out wearing rocket boots. “I'm comin' to the rescue faster n' a space carrot falling after getting punched by me, or my name aint Jaxxon the Space-Carrot Hatin' Rocket Rabbit!”

Kingcat looks at Jaxxon and says, “Hey, I remember you! You're the widdle bunny rabbit with the soft spot for dogs, aren't you?” And he tickles Jaxxon.

Jaxxon laughs and says, “Thanks for the ticklin', ugly cat! Now have some punchin'!” And he punches.

Kingcat yells, “NEVER!” and bangs Jaxxon on the head with his crown and then with the club.

(See How the Woof Proof Got Together)

However, then Ocbar comes and says, “I forgot! I've gained my own special power since I've been with you, Kingcat!” And he grows into a giant.

“Hmmm...” says Buddy. “Maybe we should run away now and find a secret lair to plot a secret plan while eating goulash. What do you say, Kingcat?”

Kingcat says, “Never! I can take on a widdle liddle kitty cat with a dog that has a heart on her fur!” Then Ocbar grows even bigger. “On the other hand, evil lairs can be fun, too! I'm running now, but I'm not retreating!” And he doesn't retreat while running.

Then there's a black screen and it says: THE DAY OF THE WEDDING!
Kingcat is in a really cramped dirty spot with a bunch of ants and termites under him. Buddy says, “Um...why did we have to hide under the Church again?”

“Because it's all part of my secret, evil secret bopping-Bailey-infinity-times-on-the-head-with-a-giant-club plan! Now be quiet so I can think about the rest of the plan! Let's see...after I hide under the Church...then I should...hmmmm...”

Meanwhile, everyone is getting all dressed up. Even Patrick is wearing a tuxedo. “WHY AM I ALL BLACK AND WHITE?!” he says. Sandy tells him why.

Then they get in their seats. All the family of Woof Proof is there.

Meanwhile, Kingcat is still thinking of his plan, and he says, “Of course! I'll capture Bailey and then I'll get into a costume!” And he holds up a costume that doesn't even look like Bailey but looks like him defeating Bailey. Buddy says, “Um...you might want to make a costume of something that actually looks like Bailey.”

Kingcat bites his ear. He does it anyway.

Meanwhile, the wedding party is all getting ready to walk up the aisle. Jaxxon is scratching his neck. “Man! This tuxedo's itchier n' a dead space Rabbit havin' eatin' Space Carrots is dead! And it's hot in here!”

Kingcat does his plan. He then carries Bailey into his evil fortress and then says: “I'll deal with you later. Wait; why don't I deal with you now?” And he throws Bailey into the “Everybody Loves Speak the Hungarian Rapper Pit,” then says, “Buddy, you guard Bailey. Oh, and go down there and bang her over the head every minute with this. I gotta go capture the rest of the tough ones.” “Hooray!” says Buddy. “I get to eat goulash again!”

“HOORAY! STOP THE WAR!” says Speak.

Meanwhile, Bailey mumbles to herself, “Well, Jaxxon's a Space Rabbit. He can chew through the ropes.” Then Buddy says, “I heard that!” Then he yells up, “Get a Rabbit Teeth Guard, too!”
Meanwhile, at the wedding, everyone is getting ready to go. But there's a problem. “Where's Bailey?” asks Ocbar. “She needs to hurry up and get here! I'm hot and I haven't eaten any cauliflower for two days!”
Then Kingcat comes up in the new Bailey costume and he says, in a one-minute high-pitched but next minute really rough voice. “Here I am!” Everyone stares at him. Then KingBaileyCat grabs Jaxxon and Coco and runs, and on the way he goes to Evil Cat Supplies R Us. Kingcat says, “Hmmmm...I think I'll choose this rabbit tooth guard!” And he points to one that says “I Eat Space Carrots Every Day for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner!” on it.

Then he gives it Jaxxon. Jaxxon stares at him.

Jaxxon says, “Dear ugly cat. I will smack you twenty-seven times on the head today or my name isn't Jaxxon Rocket Rabbit Not Space Carrot Eatin' Jones!”

Then Kingcat puts the tooth guard on Jaxxon and ties him up with rope and pushes him back into the pit. He does this to Coco but he says, “Buddy! Here! Catch! Use this for Bailey from now on!” And he throws down a club that touches the sky.

Unfortunately, Buddy is now at the bottom of the pit tied up. Apparently he's not as good at fighting as Bailey. “Thanks, Kingcat!” he says. Then Kingcat sprays the rope with invisible spray and slides down it, pushing Bailey off. Then he unties Buddy and ties Bailey again, this time with a second rope. “Bye!” he says as he slides up the rope.

At the wedding, everyone is very excited. All their families and Woof Proof have decided to try to go and rescue Bailey and Coco and Jaxxon. Then KingBaileyCat has a bright idea and he grabs Ocbar and says, “Ocbar! Your punishment is almost as bad as Bailey's!” And he goes to something that says, “The Forest: Come In, But You Probably Will Not Find Your Way Out.” Then he leaves Ocbar there and rushes away. Soon, Kingcat will get his own punishment.

Meanwhile, Bailey's Mom and Dad are getting ready to go rescue Bailey. “Woof!” they say. “Woof woof!” Everyone is meowing and barking and its very confusing. However, Satchel takes command. “Um...hi, everyone! Now, we're going to try to rescue Bailey and everyone now, so let's all just stay calm and follow me!”

Matchel is angry and is sharpening his mustache. He has a mustache sharpener that looks like a pencil sharpener. Then he hears a voice saying, “Youuuuuu are sleeeepy.” And he looks up and he thinks he sees a giant speck of dust with wings. He falls asleep, and when he wakes up he realizes that he was looking at a cloud.

Meanwhile, they are all at the bottom of the pit, and Kingcat is plotting. He has a Plotting Book that helps him. “Hmmmm...now, there's still Satchel and Matchel to capture, and then that's all the Woof Proof!” (He doesn't know about all the other Woof Proof.) Meanwhile, Buddy is sitting and eating goulash and they are all tied up.

Meanwhile, Bailey's Uncle and Rainbows are getting mad. Groovy/Scary Wolf aka Bailey's Uncle whispers to Rainbows, “I wish we had a secret poowwer!” “No kidding!” says Rainbows. And Kitty the Lizard climbs on his back and says, “We have Chameleons here and I'm a Chameleon myself!” And then Pink and Green Colorful Chameleon and Blue and Purple Colorful Chameleon jump onto Rainbow's back and says, “That's right!” And Rainbows says, “Um...could everyone get off? Got a little flea here.” Then they jump off and get back on, and then fly into the sky to find the gang.

Meanwhile, Satchel and Matchel are making an army out of everybody's families and getting ready to march to find Bailey. But Bailey's mom glances at Ocbar's mom and Bailey's dad glances at Ocbar's dad, and being dogs, they decide to chase Ocbar's family. “Hey!” says Satchel. “Stop it!” And he chases after them barking.

Then Satchel runs into Kingcat, who was just coming to get him. “Woof!” says Satchel. “Look, a cat!” Bailey's family all turns around really fast.

All the other dog's families turn around as well, even Satchel's twin brother, Satchel. Ocbar's family, on the other hand, looks rather confused as they look down a pit and find their son in it, guarded by another cat. They immediately attack Buddy. “Mrrrrreeeooooow!”

Kingcat looks confused. “Hmmmmm...maybe I should have thought this plan through a little more. I mean, RUN!”

Then Satchel quickly takes off Jaxxon's teeth-guards and Jaxxon, who has been so bored that the only exciting thing was to read the words “I eat space carrots every day for lunch, breakfast, and dinner” that are printed on his teeth-guard. He then chews through all the ropes, which makes Bailey be able to cast her heart attack on Buddy. She also grabs the potion that makes them act like humans and spills them on everyone's families. They still chase after Kingcat, though.

“Wait!” says Buddy, who is getting poked at by Ocbar's family, as rainbow-colored hearts with puppies and kittens hiding behind it suddenly appear in his eyes. “I'M GOOD NOW!”

“Meow—or, I mean, that's great!” say Ocbar's family. “Hey, we can talk now! Yipeee!”

“Woof!” say all the dog families. “Chasing cats is still fun, though!”
“NO IT'S NOT!” says Kingcat.

Then they throw Kingcat back into the pit and they return to the wedding. Rainbows, who is having much better fun with this wedding than the one where Orcus Borkus forced him to be the Priest, he happily says his lines. “Do you, Bailey, take this dog Coco to be your husband?”

“Woof!” says Bailey. “I mean, I do!”

“And do you, Coco, take this dog to be your wife?”

“I do!” says Coco. “I mean, Woof! Or...uh, actually, the first one.”

“And by the authority vested in me by the writers, I now pronounce you Dog and Wife! You may now kiss the bride.”

And Bailey and Coco kiss.

Everyone cheers. Jaxxon says, “I want a steak.”

THE END!!